In which Kelly and Nathan talk about baby names
by Scila
Summary: "He doesn't know her at all. How come he's all crazy 'bout her?". "It's Nathan. For him, two weeks are... Ages. Like dog years, yeah?". Kelly reacts to Nathan being with Marnie and the baby. SPOILERS CHRISTMAS SPECIAL.


**In which Kelly and Nathan ****talk about baby names**

Kelly tossed the cigarette butt on the ground with a bored gesture. It was a cool evening and she was the last one out of the store. After closing up, she realized she didn't really feel like going home just yet.

So she just stood by the door, smoking.

She didn't know what was more depressing – the fact that the year was ending or that another was just around the corner. Things could've been worse, true. Her new job at the store was better than picking up litter, way better. The owner even gave them a nice discount on clothes, which was nice for once.

Of course, the clothes were shit and most of them didn't fit her properly. Better than nothing though.

Her new power wasn't complete bullocks too. For once she didn't need to hear people whining about their shitty lives in their minds, thinking about shagging their cousins or generally being lying pricks. But it felt weird anyway. Like suddenly her life was just silence, like she was truly alone.

She lit another one, letting the smoke go with a sigh.

A group of giggling girls passed by, looking at their cell phones. One of them eyed Kelly and probably thought something nasty about her. _Chav_. _Slag_. Not hearing it made no difference, she could still imagine what it was.

She gave the girl a proper mean look, enough to scare her away with an indignant expression. After that, Kelly left the store, walking towards home.

Her mum was out, obviously. It was just after ten and her shift didn't end until 3 a.m. So Kelly heated up some leftovers and ate in silence.

One of the drawbacks of super strength? Broken plates. Also broken doors. And a broken chair, after being pissed off about all the other broken shit. The plate she was using was the last one that wasn't destroyed by her lame attempts at controlling her new power.

At least it meant fewer things to clean though.

After eating, she briefly considered going to the pub, seeing how the others were. Then, just as quickly, she brushed off the idea, not feeling like seeing Nathan or Simon and Alisha being all over each other. By midnight she gave up on Twitter, FaceBook and Flickr. Bored out of her mind, she ended asleep before her mum came home.

A desperate banging on her door woke her up early in the morning. Cursing out loud she went to answer it only to find none other than Nathan carrying Marnie's baby.

Nice way to begin the day.

"KELLY. Open the door, Kelly! Come on, I know you're in there. Open up! Shit, it's leaking!"

She rolled her eyes and sighed, fighting the urge to kick him in the balls.

Just as soon as she opened the door, Nathan came in running, the baby in his hands, far away from his body. Outside was a stroller with what it looked like piss marks.

_Great _way to begin the day.

She followed him to the kitchen, crossing her arms.

"What the fuck are ya doing now?"

"He pissed himself! You were nearest one."

"Fucking great."

"Do you have any diapers?"

She just stared at him.

"Okay. That's a no. How about you buying some, yeah?"

"Do I look like your maid or somethin'?"

"I need to trash the one he's wearing and give him a bath, come on. The store is just around the corner."

"Where's his mother?"

"Sleeping back in the community center. I thought it was a good idea to take him out for a stroll. Look, he's leaking. Help a fellow, will ya?"

He passed the baby to her hands, clearly glad to be ride of the smell. Kelly stared at the baby's round face, trying hard not to be annoyed. It wasn't his fault that Nathan chose him to play father to. She placed the baby on a tablecloth that Nathan improvised on the table.

"Why's he wearin' a sock in his head?" she asked after finally noticing the horrible grey accessory.

"It's not a sock! It's a hat. Marnie made it. I think it's _cute_."

"It looks like a rat died in his head."

Nathan rolled his eyes, starting to take off the dirty diaper. He was quite good at it too. She didn't know what to think about that.

"There. All better without that disgusting thing, yeah? Let's take you to clean up, right little fellow?"

"Bathroom's over there…"

"I remember. His size is XL, by the way."

Asshole.

She went to the store, annoyed and mad, but she did anyway. She bought the bloody pack of diapers, using her money too. Fifteen minutes later she was back at house with the diapers and some other baby stuff she was sure Nathan didn't even know the names off.

Kelly found him and the baby in the bathroom. Nathan was sitting in the floor, almost completely wet and the kid was inside the bathtub. He's playing with the baby, splashing water carefully while holding him with his other hand.

She bit her lip a little, trying not to let either bitterness or pride overcome her feelings. Bitterness over on how easily he fell in love with that baby (and his mother) and pride over the way he was handling the whole situation. She shook her head, remembering herself. Fucking feelings making her forget she was mad at his intrusion and general rudeness.

"There, little Jamie, all better, yeah?"

"Jamie? Wasn't his name Willy?"

Nathan made a face. Kelly fought back a smile.

"No. It's Jamie."

"The _actual _mother of the baby has more right to decide that, don't cha think?"

"But it's a _shitty _name_._" he whined.

"Tough."

"He'll be the weird kid in the class. Mocked on bathroom walls all over town. Willy the willy! He won't ever hear the end of it. I won't allow it."

"It isn't your decision."

"But I'm his _father_."

She wanted to slap him in the face, but chose to sit on the closed down toilet, watching them. After a moment of silence, she spoke up.

"Why are you doin' this?"

"What? Giving the baby a bath? He was covered in piss."

"No, dickhead. Why are you taking care of him? I thought you hated babies."

Nathan stared at little Willy (or Jamie), not answering her. She knew this part. The part where he brushed off any attempt to a serious conversation, but she insisted.

"Is it because of your dad?"

"What? No," he laughed, but still avoiding looking at her.

"Nathan…"

"Why's it your business, anyway?"

"It's my business because you're in my house, in my bathroom, wetting everything. Look, I get it, yeah? You wanted to do right by her. That's nice, but not your place."

He rolled her eyes, she continued more sternly.

"It's not. Because the baby's real father is out there, somewhere. And he'll come back, yeah? And then, what you gonna do?"

"Nothing, because it ain't happening. Marnie doesn't even know who he is."

"I bet you anything she does."

He sulked and ignored her, taking the baby out of the tub with careful movements and wrapping him in a towel. Kelly almost regretted bringing up the subject. She hated being the bearer of bad news, mostly because Nathan refused to acknowledge reality most of the times. She felt like she was telling a little kid that Santa didn't exist.

But, against her better judgment, she was worried. He was so attached to that baby. And to Marnie even. So easily attached…

"So, where's your mum?" Nathan asked, while drying Jamie's little head.

"Out."

"Yeah. Like the last dozen times I was here. I don't think she exists. She doesn't, does she? Is she a ghost? No, wait, I could've seen her then."

"'Course she exists, idiot. She's out. And you've been here, like, two times."

"At least three!"

"No. Two."

"There was that time when you're brainwashed by the virgin girl, yeah? That counts."

"You came to my house and I don't fucking remember? Fuck, now I have to clean everything."

"Ha. Ha. Funny. I was trying to save your ass, by the way. And I did, didn't I? Where are my thanks?"

"Great way to save someone. By _dying_."

"Hey, it worked. And I even made a nice speech."

"Don't remember."

"You don't? The one with the car crash and the..?" she shook her head; he rolled his eyes, disappointed. "'Course you don't."

Somehow his tone was less sarcastic than usual and for the first time in a long time Kelly wished she could hear his thoughts again. Yeah, that wish passed by quickly.

"How's that fair? My finest hour and nobody heard anything. Nobody besides Barry, who couldn't possible appreciate my beautiful interpretation of youth."

She rolled her eyes and let silence fall, looking at her nails, as Nathan finished up. They took the baby back to the kitchen and while he was changing his diaper, Nathan's cell phone vibrated.

"Marnie woke up," he read the text, and then laughed, passing the phone over to her. "Look, she made a cock with just five numbers. My girl has so many talents."

Kelly just made a disgusted face, giving him back the phone.

"She just woke up and already wants sex. I'm in heaven, Kelly."

The bitterness started to grow back a little.

"Yeah, seems you got the whole package," she replied sarcastic. "Except a house, a proper job, fucking money. Basically all the important shit."

"Jesus, Kelly, you know how to bring a guy down. Besides, love's more important than all that."

"I'm hearing you right?"

"_What_? It is."

She almost truly slapped him, only the fact that he wasn't immortal anymore and she had super strength that could break his neck stopped her. After a minute or so of silence, she didn't know why it came to her, but she spoke, asking about the only thing she didn't want confirmed, but had to know anyway.

"So, you love her then, that's it? Can't say I saw that one comin'."

"You think I don't?" was his, surprisingly, honest question.

"You're the one who's supposed to answer that, dickhead."

"But you're the expert."

"What _that_ supposed to mean?"

"You know what."

"No. I _don't._ And you're avoidin' the question."

"Am not. 'Course I love her. There. Happy?"

She crossed her arms, not believing him. Perhaps not _wanting _to believe.

"Ya know her for, like… Five seconds," she started, sadly not being able to stop herself before it was too late.

"Three weeks. Make that _three_ weeks of _total_ _bliss_."

"And that's better?"

"It doesn't matter. Love has no bounds. Especially no bounds of time and space and shit. When you know, you just know," he proclaimed dramatically, gesturing with his hands, making a scene. "And I know."

"Right. Because that makes any fucking sense."

"Yeah, it makes _perfect_ sense."

She could see he was starting to get defensive. But she didn't care; Kelly was tired of him being a prick.

"No. It's complete _bullshit_."

"What're you saying here? That I'm an idiot? That we don't love each other? That she's just using me for my beautiful body? Is that what you're saying?"

"Basically, _yeah_. Except the body part."

His tone was now full blown irritated now.

"You're saying that just because you're completely and totally alone. And you know why?"

"Are you fucking serious? You're going there, really?"

He smirked.

"It's because you are scared shitless of loving. A coward. _There._ I said it. Also because of your huge fanny."

"Ah, fuck off. Ya don't know shit. 'Specially about love. You think love is shaggin' some girl that you don't even know her fucking last name?" she yelled, her finger pointed at him.

"I know Marnie's last name… It's… Marrr… Jor… Something. With an S on the end."

"You're hopeless Nathan."

"And _you're_ completely jealous."

"Jealous? Of fucking what?"

"Of me! Now that you can't have the goods, you want it. It's typical, really! That's why you're trying to ruin everything with bitter, bitter words."

"You're out of your fucking mind. I don't give a shit about your useless life anyway!"

"Fine! Then next time don't stick your overly large nose in my business!"

She rolled her eyes and stormed into the living room, sitting on her sofa, steaming. She _wasn't _jealous. Not one fucking bit.

Dick.

After what felt like an eternity, Nathan walked out of the kitchen, gently holding the baby in his arms.

"Baby Jamie and I are leaving now."

"'Bout fucking time."

He left. She sulked.

* * *

Three weeks later and it was a new year. But nothing had changed at all. She avoided Nathan like the plague, which as it turned out wasn't that difficult seeing that he was also avoiding her. And with Simon and Alisha more worried about their shitty relationship problems, the only person she had left to complain about him was Curtis.

Even Kelly had to admit she was feeling for the poor 'fella. But she couldn't help it, every time she went to the pub; she had to complain about Nathan. It was like she was compelled by a crazy ass power. Maybe he bought from the dealer the ability to completely annoy her.

"He likes her. So what? They're both crazy, let them."

"He doesn't know her at all. How come he's all crazy 'bout her?"

"It's Nathan. For him, two weeks are... Ages. Like dog years, yeah?"

"You don't get it. She's gonna take that baby away. And then what?"

"Nothing. He's gonna forget about it in five seconds."

She didn't say anything else, finishing her drink. Curtis sighed and filling her cup again. "Why do you even care?"

"I don't."

"Good." She gave him an annoyed stare, enough for him to try to explain himself. "Nothing good could come out of it, anyway."

"Come from what?"

"You, liking Nathan."

"I don't like him."

"I'm only saying that _if _you did..." he sighed, trying to find words. "Look, he's... He's kinda mental. He doesn't work in the head like we do. We need people being fucking normal, yeah?"

"Like flowers and chocolate, you mean?"

"I guess? Can you imagine yourself being with that prick? He'd probably drive you mad."

She didn't answer. It wasn't like she _knew _how to answer that. Last time she considered Nathan as anything more than mates, she decided it was a really bad idea. But it had nothing to do with his personality.

The pub was empty; it was really late and a weekday at that. It felt weird to just turn around the corner and remember Nikki getting shot. The world was really shit sometimes.

She noticed Curtis also looking at the empty space where Nikki died and she wondered what he was thinking. He got super speed instead of time travel. That was lost forever, apparently. Just like Nikki.

"I'm sorry, yeah? She was nice."

He nodded, saying nothing. They finished their drinks in silence, not really feeling the need to talk anymore, the robbery still playing in their heads. Nikki's death and his inability to bring her back clearly still affected Curtis a lot and she wished she could help him somehow, but Kelly was shit with that kinda stuff, so she just watched him brood. After finishing up, she waited for Curtis to close the pub.

"Do you want me to walk you home?" he asked gently.

"No need, thanks. I can smash heads to a pulp, remember?"

"Which is actually kinda scary. But in good way."

Kelly smiled a little. She was about to leave, when he called her back. "Hey, Kelly... If you really like that prick and I mean, _really __like_ him... Forget about what I said, yeah? Do somethin' about it, because maybe you'll regret someday." Kelly just nodded - too confused to answer him properly.

* * *

Eventually the obvious happened, because Kelly was always right (most of the time anyway). He didn't tell _her_, of course. But Alisha did.

"So, she, like, left with some bloke. I don't even know his name. Completely bollocks, took the baby and all that."

"Is he okay, then?"

"How should I know? It's Nathan. Everything's a joke to him. I guess he's fine. Simon thinks he isn't. But, whatever, you know? If we try to talk him about it, he's just gonna make disgusting sex jokes involving babies or somethin' out of it. It's pointless."

There was a pause, in which Kelly considered things she shouldn't. Like calling him, sending a text, poking him on FaceBook. Or even the craziest one of all, actually going to _talk_ to him in person.

"So, when are you going to talk to him?" Alisha asked with a hint of amusement on her voice.

"I'm not."

"Ah, come on, we both know it's gonna happen. You're the only one who, you know, _actually _likes him."

She rolled her eyes.

"Simon likes him. Let him do it."

"I _think_ Nathan wants _you _to do it."

For a split second she felt really weird about hearing that. But just as quickly she laughed it off.

"Yeah, like that's true. Not buying it, Alisha."

"I saw him crying, really."

She laughed at that.

"Come on, like I believe that."

"Just go and talk to him," Alisha insisted, and Kelly could hear Simon's voice now too. "I tried, but she won't listen, kay?"

"Simon's there?"

"Yeah. He wants to talk to you."

"Whatever." She waited for her to pass it to him. Simon being worried was kind of endearing. She liked that he cared for Nathan, but she just wasn't sure the prick deserved it.

"Hey Kelly, about Nathan…"

"I'm not doing it, Simon. I warned him and he just blew me off."

"Okay."

"He's really a prick. He said some nasty stuff to me."

"I understand."

"It's his own problem that he decided to like that chick from nowhere. I mean, if he fell in love with her in five seconds, it's not my fault anyways."

"It's fine, Kelly."

She bit her lip and sighed.

"Okay, I'm doin' it. Fuck."

"Thank you, he really needs it, I think."

"Next time, you're doing it, hear me?"

* * *

She found him smoking on the roof of the community center, staring at the lake. She was beyond nervous and wondered why exactly. Mostly she was afraid of saying the wrong thing. Or saying too much.

Sighing, she walked slowly next to him.

"Hi," she began lamely.

"Hey." Swearing

He didn't look at her at all.

"Alisha told me about Marnie…"

"You came to gloat then? Point and laugh?"

"Don't be a dick," she answered quickly, annoyed already. "I came to see _how _you are, kay?"

"I'm fine. Peachy, really. Can't you see my huge smile?" he smiled at the cue, plastering a fake one on his face. "Actually, I think it's glued onto my face. I can hear my jaw cracking from all the happiness."

She rolled her eyes, crossing her arms. Why couldn't he just admit it?

"I'm sorry she left, Nathan."

"Sure you are. You hated her."

"No, I didn't. I thought she was…" she searched for a word that wasn't a backhand compliment. "…Bit barmy on the head. Yeah. But I didn't hate her."

"She _was _a bit barmy. I liked that," Nathan commented, eyes shifting back to the lake.

Silence fell and Kelly wondered what the hell to say next. She remembered him trying to do this same thing to her when Bruno died and, well, turned out to be a fucking monkey. She realized, then, that they both sucked at this.

"Life can be pretty shitty sometimes," she said suddenly. "But it wasn't your fault. Someday… Someday you'll be a dad for real and you'll do great, yeah? I know for sure."

He nodded, throwing the smoke down to the street below. She saw the tension leave his shoulders a bit. He looked at her with what appeared to be genuine gratitude, opening a small smile.

"Yeah, well maybe next time I'll be able to actually choose the name of the baby."

"Willy sucked ass," she agreed.

"It did, didn't it?"

"I feel bad for the kid."

"I know! It actually took me just one minute to think of millions of golden nicknames, and I'm just one man. And you know what was his father's last name?"

"What?"

"Stroker."

"You shitting me?"

"Am not. I swear by the fake Jesus that we just killed."

"Willy Stroker. Fuck. That's messed up."

She smiled and so did he. It felt right somehow, just to be joking around with him. It was sad that it seemed like they hadn't done that in ages. When did they stop being mates? She just remembered being annoyed by him all the time and he probably thought she was a bitch these past months. Still, it was easy just forget about that and pretend they were back the way they used to be. Besides, both needed a bit of cheering up.

Finally, he broke the silence, sighing and throwing his arms up.

"Well, what's done is done, yeah? I'm hoping to move on, to bigger and better…"

"Bigger and better what?"

"Ah, you can't read my mind anymore. Keep forgetting that," he smiled a Cheshire catsmile. "Keeps you on your toes now, yeah?"

He started to leave, swaggering away, the over confident prat.

"It's tits, right? Bigger and better tits."

"I sure hope so!" he said, turning his head a little and obviously leering at her boobs with a smile.

"Just make sure you know her more than three weeks!" she shouted after him.

"How about six months, sounds good to you?" yelled, his back to her, now away.

"Yeah. Sounds 'bout right. But don't forget to give her chocolate and flowers."

"Who needs that shit? I have my cock, that's the best gift ever!" he said, closing the door after him.

Kelly smiled, amused. Yeah, maybe he could move on with someone better.


End file.
